Babolian Speaks!

I Will Perform Many Covert Ninja Operations on Targets Unsuspecting


I am coming to you from deep in my underground Dojo, an impenetrable fortress coddled on springs under 5,000 feet of bedrock. Day and night here I train, lathered in sweat while completing challenging maneuvers in tight cinematic sequences. I shoot and arm wrestle and do backflips; sometimes I garotte targets unsuspecting whilst they attempt to surveil my pad. I am no longer able to leave my Dojo very much due to the number of highly-skilled warriors looking for me "up there", but the arrangement has its advantages; while I have missed the chance to more readily apply my incredible fighting prowess in order to uphold justice and attract women, the reinforced steel walls in my blast-proof training center are the only surface thus far that has been able to absorb my punishing blows, thus allowing me to kick my already extreme neo-ninja self training up a notch. The passionate devotion I show for my way of life has given me great focus and, in turn, extreme mastery of the deadly martial arts.

I am now ready to face off with the best. I truly believe that under the withering fusillade of fists, almost no one could last for even a moment before being torn to pieces, laid waist by Badger Fist stance and in awe of the breathtaking aerial display that immediately proceeds the dealing of a deadly blow. Soon, I will begin, slowly at first, using my powers for the forces of goodness and purity, fighting the dregs of society in their own neighborhoods and hangouts- seedy lamp-lit joints with tawdry, disheartening embroidery fringing on the tattered, garishly colored lampshades. The sickness I feel towards those who spread evil and disharmony has transformed itself into both a mission in life and an outlet for my bewildering abilities in the arena of hand-to-hand combat.

I can't tell you when I will next communicate with you, if ever I do again. The information I will be privy to in my increased capacity as the protector of human decency for the entire globe won't leave me much time to go otter fishing, nor will I most likely attend weekly pizza and porn session from this point onward. At any rate, I am writing in order for you to wish me luck in my endeavors and, if circumstances allow, I will attempt to convey by some means that I am, indeed, alive and still on my quest for justice and equality.

Farewell (?)

Leroy Babolian

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