March 20, 2003

'Operation Iraqi Freedom:' Yeeeehaw!!!

Twin Cities protest Thursday: Student walkout @ Noon and protest @ 4:30 PM, MPLS Federal Building (4th St. & 4th Ave). After that, stuff on Saturday at Macalester.(Twin Cities info) (world IndyMedia) (WhatReallyHappened: protest news)

Things take a turn as the C-in-C tries to bust a cap in some recalcitrant Arab ass, starting with an assassination attempt on a sunny Thursday down in the first river valley. Some of the weaklings asserted a series of myths known as 'international law' but the powers that be brushed them off. So now there is a Moral Quest in effect. This quest includes a marvelous combination of classic and fun new activities such as:

  • Attempting in an amusing and endearing way to bribe Turks.
  • Chief Executive of Halliburton Oil and Armybases Corporation (interim SecD and veepster) Mr Cheney making a play against the second largest oil reserves in the world. Trifling slicks located under some Alaskan moose prove unnecessary in light of this realignment of the taps.
  • An unexpected and patriotic outpouring of bottomless hate for Frogs and their terrorist wine-drinking friends in Algeria and Damascus.
  • An acceptance that the war on terror now holds a special place in its thoughtful heart for Kofi and the United "wuss" Nations.
  • Bravely claiming that weapons of mass destruction do not include 20,000 pound bombs dropped from lumbering cargo planes.
  • Ari Fleischer threatening to beat your punk ass
  • Conan O'Brien now has a resemblance to a Big Brother drone receiving orders from the powers that urge Christian soldiers onward
  • Network TV's 'Are you hot?' espousing new views of human grace and aesthetics. The ancient poetic quest to locate the hottest babe has nearly come to an end.
  • The Christian Coalition continuing its groundbreaking support of radical militant Jews groundbreaking new settlement activity across the Palestinian heartland. Bush, his spirit caught in a net between a Perle and a Falwell, somehow goes along with this jolly adventure in stealing land from the noisy heathens in the hills outside Judeo-Christian Jerusalem.
  • The large numbers of socialists getting elected and supported in Latin America are not even the problem right now. Except for the ones that are contemplating legalizing coca.
  • John Ashcroft redefining 'trafficking' as the satanic art of marketing bongs over the godless Internet.
  • Israel attempting to annex Belgium
  • The Chinese displaying yet another Communist tendency to 'regard all life as sacrosanct' and war to be avoided at all possible. You see? Reagan really did cut the Commies' dick off. He was Moral.
  • Oliver North is Embedded with some troops in Kuwait. Naturally he reports for FOX News. This is somehow obscene. Maybe there are soldiers down there who have heard stories about the mythical, almost forgotten 'Iran-Contra' story.
  • The best shockin' and awein' show ever put together to scare the damn desert tribes is about to sally forth. Huzzah!
  • The Enemy suggests that there may be more chordant themes at play: "Long live jihad and long live Palestine." Doesn't he know that Palestine has nothing to do with this? Bill O'Reilly told me so.
  • Absolutely no one talks about boring wonky stuff like "deficits" and "unemployment." That bollox doesn't have the zippy righteousness and innocence of geo-political safaris. Which have worked out so well in this region in the past.
  • Fight on, American power. Support the troops, no matter where they are sent. We have to support them, by applying duct tape to our mouths, eyes and ears.

Am I the only one who thinks this is one bad postmodern dream, from assassinated Serbian Archduke PMs to burning shuttles and the usual oil Jihad? Damn. Let's take out the bitchin Chileans next. We almost had Kissinger back on the payroll to plot round two for their punk asses.

Ok, ok. Things are gettin down to business. This is only a time for serious and moral people like Dick Cheney and Ken Lay to decide what to do next. Who pulls strings? Who says that this is right? The people, oh the people. They wave flags and shit, but say "Shi'ite?" and they say "What?"

Please relax, would you? The leaders have it under control.

MacOS X users: if you want to get going looking at Arabic, Hebrew, or other web sites, get the new (and slightly unstable) web browser Camino. (DOWNLOAD) It is pretty solid, and I like it a lot. Tabbed browsing, multilingual and fast.

Posted by HongPong at March 20, 2003 04:24 AM
Listed under Iraq .
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