Disgruntled Regression

<Chairman Mao has a holiday report from the field for us. He is out in Colorado where his employer periodically accuses him of stealing (then find the cash in the office). We will have some other folks checking in soon as well.--Dan>

The season of seasons is here. Wintertime holidays. Thousands of people, who stay dormant within their houses for most of the year, flood the streets and shopping malls. Causing far more crime and mayhem than they're worth. Who are these people, you ask? They are your weird neighbors who never say hello and watch you from their windows. Or more often they are the millions of MTV drones who occupy what we conscious people call the 'Dead Zones.'

Little pockets of dense, stupid thought spread like a plague across the United States. Usually found around high schools and colleges. The people stuck in these daily routines of refusing to think wind up doing nothing more than sitting around watching tv, and maybe getting high, snorting Vicodin.

They see commercials advertising Christmas, making fun of Channukah, whatever. Sooner or later they will dare to set a foot outside to see what the fuss is all about. Inevitably making it no further than a few blocks before they collide with something at sixty miles an hour and blame it on 'black ice.'

However, despite the odds, some of these terrors on culture actually manage to make it to their destination, somehow... This is when the real problems start. If you have ever worked in retail you can probably identify the incompetent without even blinking. They wander around aimlessly and touch everything, refusing to read signs and accidently stealing merchandise. Oh well, happy holidays...