Jonathon 'The Impaler" Sharkey: Satanist for MN Governor: The new Jesse for our times

Here in Minnesota we always have a special spot for the ironic political campaign. Wellstone and Ventura cut against the typical style, but they fit their times somehow. And now, another candidate has emerged from esoteric wiccan pentagrams and two (two!) covens. He also offers to impale terrorists and drug dealers at the state capitol, as a dramatic Star Tribune story detailed today.

Satanism and the Vampyres Witches and Pagans party: The Agenda:

6) Any one found committing an act of terrorism in Minnesota will be IMPALED by me at the State Capital. If the US DOJ wants to prosecute me for it, then I will take my chances in Court, for I do not believe an American Jury will convict me of brutally killing a terrorist!

I particularly liked how the capitol graphic was filched from the Campaign Finance and Public Disclosure Board.

His turn to THE DARK SIDE:

Just like Anakin, my main concern was to help save the life of the woman I loved dearly. However, Susan returned my unconditional love and caring by having me wrongly incarcerated for 150-days (as a result of IUPUI Law Professor Joel Schumm) I was vindicated, almost 3-months after spending 150-days in jail!

As a result of Susan's actions, I fully turned to "The Dark Side" and dedicated my life to serving Lucifer.

Unlike Susan, I will not attack an innocent person through my hatred. I prefer to use the blessings and gifts that come from Vampyrism and WitchCraft to attack those who prey on the innocent.
[....]

My sister has a saying, "Evil Begets Evil!" Well, starting in 2007, it will be the criminals who realize first hand, that there is someone more evil than they are, who cares about the safety and well-being of the innocent!

WAR, WHAT'S IT GOOD FOR? There are also high plans as he intends to run for President.

Though my Magikal Path Name is: Lord Ares, I do not believe that Americans should die needlessly in Iraq or any other country.

As Governor of Minnesota I will NOT allow any of our National Guard soldiers to be deployed to Iraq or any other combat area in the world.
Upon becoming President I will immediately recall ALL servicemen and women from combat areas around the world. Additionally, I will have President George W. Bush charged and tried for the murders of every American that has been killed in Iraq as a result of him sending them into War. Upon being convicted, I think everyone knows what his punishment will be.

That sets a new bar for rhetorical gestures in gubernatorial campaigns. Adjusting the discourse with guerilla ontology. He also goes way back with Jeb Bush, which is really quite strange. He has apparently been an apparatchik of the Florida Republican Party, so who knows what dark reaches his connections go to.

So we will surely follow this one as it develops. Jonathon Sharkey is a great name for a Satanist.