An inaugural post from pixeldusted

I will start with an excerpt from my life as government contractor...

As a consultant doing work for the government, one is often floored by the inefficiency of our federal government. Sometimes, you are shocked by the endless bureaucracy, sometimes the unchecked spending inflames the taxpayer in all of us. Surprisingly, the level of apathy that government workers maintain towards their work has been the most difficult pill to swallow. At least it was, until I experienced first hand the parable of Bob:

After numerous calls and a lot bitching, my fellow contractor and I are able to corner 3 government workers in a computer lab. We have been trying for weeks to get them to complete one of their most basic tasks related to the change we are implementing in their system (it takes 1 person 1 hour to do this task). We finally get a supervisor to agree to help us with this task and he even brings 2 of his peons to learn about this responsibility and take care of it in the future. I am thrilled, the first sign of cooperation and competent management yet. Five minutes after we get started somebody very calmly enters the room and this exchange follows:…
New guy - "Hey boss, Bob is asleep and won't wake up."
Boss - "Really?"
New guy - "Yeah, we have been shaking him, but he won't get up. We peeled back his eyelids, but his eyes are rolled back in his head."
Boss - "OK, call the emergency line."
Boss (grumbling in our direction) – "I gotta go. You guys will have to finish this."
Boss and New guy calmly walk out of the room. At this point my co-worker and I exchange looks of sheer terror as the other two government workers in the room continue as if nothing has happened. Apparently their co-worker has either gotten passed-out drunk at work or is about to die at his desk and they greet this news with the same amount of emotion one expresses when making copies, business as usual. About a minute after the boss leaves, one of the government workers notices my expression of anguished disbelief.

He explains:
Bob has been working here for about 20 years.
Bob is morbidly obese.
Bob's day at work breaks down like this: Bob comes to work, Bob immediately falls asleep, coworker wakes Bob for lunch, Bob falls asleep immediately after lunch, coworker wakes Bob at the end of the day, Bob goes home.
Sometimes, Bob goes to sleep and nobody can wake him up.
Bob's wife is called.
If Bob's wife is not too busy, she attempts to resurrect Bob with a violent beating.
In the event that Bob's wife is the least bit busy or her flagellation fails to wake Bob, the paramedics are called.
Bob is trucked to the hospital where a shot of adrenaline spurs a full recovery every time.

Bob is my new spiritual leader. He has achieved "Government Nirvana." Like Buddha and enlightenment, Bob has achieved total oneness with his apathy. He cares so little about his work and place in life that sleeping on the job has become too taxing on his person. Bob, your lack of commitment is truly an inspiration.

Posted by pixeldusted at February 20, 2006 07:15 PM | TrackBack
Listed under Crawling Chaos .