Pop Conspiratoria II: I'm only posting this because of Tom Hanks' new haircut, which is beyond explanation

A nice random collection of chemtrails and secretive hand gestures from the global Illuminati conspiracy

It's a really nice day right now, which makes it even more shameful to post such random Internet conspiracy material as this. However, I am giving myself a pass since the Da Vinci Code came out today, with heavy melodrama, poor pacing and flat characters. The George Washington Illuminati letters are really pretty good by today's standard. So stick with us, because the traces of Atlantis are here by the Mississippi, and there's a global power grab going on to enslave the masses and beam McDonald's ads into our brains.

First of all, I should put the impressive Internet Sacred Text Archive, which has unadulterated source texts from across the spectrum, from Theosophy and Jainism to I Ching, Forteanism, and Freemasonry, as well as two versions of the probably fake Necronomicon (which is where that grinning box thing comes from). So at the least, these are primary sources you can check out about all manner of esoteric human beliefs.

Here's some official Masonic material about their favorite contributions to American "National Treasures". Some of the many cornerstones of federal buildings laid by Masons, including the Washington Monument. They really like their funny hats. Washington's Masonic National Memorial is bigtime. There is even a Washington Trowel revered as a Masonic symbol, used often in special ceremonies, including the cornerstones of the Supreme Court and the Library of Congress.

Strom Thurmond re-enacts the Capitol Masonic cornerstone ceremony 200 years later. (via the dubious pair.com)

But is the other shit you find around the Internet really even worth looking at? Well no, not generally. This should straighten everything out: from NoGW.com's "The Illuminati & the New World Order".

Now that's what I call political science. Here's some other stuff: TheWatcherFiles.com is mostly about aliens and stargates but also has The Satanic bloodlines including the Merovingian Bloodline. "Project Earth: Satan is on the Prowl" and Reptilian Watch! Fortunately there's a guide to stopping the beams, aliens and military attacks in your head:

If you are a real nuisance you may find yourself being attacked by their electromagnetic weapons, abducted out of your sleep, or chip implanted with their tracking chips that also serve as 2-way transistors where they can harass you by speaking thoughts to your mind or just communicating with you in a sort of telepathic way. I don't' know how else to describe it. Most people don't recognize that one and so think they are hearing from "God" or just thinking the thoughts they are having are from themselves, or think it's just a demonic attack instead of coming directly from military technology. Other people can recognize voices and think they are schizophrenic. Sometimes some people just are, but for most people it's usually just the military and the black technology they're using to invade and torment you with.

We are in the middle of a war and it is a battle for your mind and for your soul. And for most, it's daily.

Crystalinks.com, run by a self-described new-agey "nice Jewish girl from Brooklyn" seemed less militantly angry and more merely reflective about arcane history such as the Priory of Sion, Grail legends, various mystery schools and Kabala.

The Daily Grail and its Red Pill wiki is pretty much what it sounds like.

When I was searching for the exact George Washington-Illuminati letters, I first found them here on watch.pair.com and I looked around that site a bit. As it turned out, whoever runs that site is a raving anti-semite and I was so disturbed by some of the content that I wrestled with even linking to it. The author approvingly quotes the "Protocols of the Elders of Zion" and Henry Ford's "The International Jew", which is just plain horrible. (the site hosting Ford's evil tract has its own conspiracy stuff as well)

But seeing as how we have already featured links to, say, Hezbollah's Al-Manar television station, we'll let it go today. There is a pretty weird giant conspiracy going on in pair.com-land. Masons are big, naturally, apparently as a way for Zionists to control America and prepare for the Antichrist to rule Israel and then the world. They claim the Antichrist may be a Solomon-like figure probably from the Merovingian dynasty. King Solomon was bad because he integrated the "Babylonian mystery religion" into Judaism, in their view, and the Masonic reverence for Solomon is part of this problem.

Pair.com's really quite strange "Death of the Phoenix" feature was highly anti-semitic, yet also included the following "facts": A Judeo-Masonic conspiracy controls most everything; Atlantis placed colonies from Louisiana to the headwaters of the Mississippi; a fake or authentic Ark of the Covenant was brought to the New World and "Arcadia" in Nova Scotia by the Knights Templar; Hurricanes George and Katrina were generated by the Priory of Sion - which was proven by the 'P' and 'S' paths the hurricanes traced; the Priory of Sion is a front for the B'nai B'rith, which of course is a front for the Elders of Zion; strange riots in Detroit and Los Angeles are prophesied; this summer, fake biblical relics will be found to undermine traditional Christianity and support the Merovingians; Evil Jews ("Crypto-Jew" is a common term) created Opus Dei; Christianity's Calvin was really a Jew named Cohen provoking splits among the gentiles; since Justices John Roberts, Samuel Alito and Antonin Scalia are all Opus Dei sympathizers or members, plus with the Jews Stevens and Ginsberg, so the U.S. Supreme Court is going to be converted into a Jewish Sanhedrin court that will try to destroy Christianity, institute martial law and implement "Noahide laws" to subjugate the gentiles.

That's pretty appalling stuff. I'm sorry if you think it's offensive, but I did too. Here's the table of contents, which is one of the more peculiar things I've seen:

DEATH OF THE PHOENIX: FINAL ACT FOR THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
ACT I. Sleepy Hollow Revisited - The Templar symbolism of Hurricane Katrina - Judeo-Freemasonry / Zionist agents orchestrate downfall of the U.S. - Why the United States must be sacrificed
ACT II. The Ark & The Grail - Jewish discovery and settlement of the New World - Ark of the Covenant in the “New Jerusalem” - The Judeo-Masonic history of Louisiana - The “Sionist” conspiracy to repossess the Holy Land
ACT III. The Dawn of Aquarius - New “Radical” Reformation planned for the West Coast - Prophecies of Kim Clement & Chuck Pierce for Los Angeles / San Francisco - Zionist plan to take out the Muslim community in Detroit
ACT IV. Death of the Phoenix - Prophecies of imminent New Madrid earthquake with epicenter in St. Louis - Destruction of U.S. agriculture belt and manufacturing infrastructures - Destruction of Christianity to begin with the Bible Belt
ACT V. Exodus / Aliya - Jewish exodus from the U.S. before it self-destructs - Secular media to preach Kabbalist gospel to the Jews - Reestablishment of Sanhedrin in Israel to administer Noahide Laws - Plans to establish subsidiary Sanhedrin in the U.S.
ACT VI. The New Reformation - Opus Dei Supreme Court and 2nd Vatican Inquisition - Dominionist theocracy to precipitate 2nd U.S. Civil War - Sanhedrin to rescue civilization from Christian terrorists - Noahide Laws to exterminate Christians
ACT VII. Atlantis Rising - Merovingian bloodline to avenge Atlantean gods via weathermancing - Pre-flood civilization expected to rise on ruins of the U.S.
ACT VIII. A Better Country - The United States of America may fall before the Tribulation begins. - Persecution of U.S. Christians. How to prepare for martyrdom

Ok then. There were links offsite to various other things, and my favorite was Michael Ledeen's "What Machiavelli (A Secret Jew?) Learned From Moses." This was of course turned to make an anti-semitic argument, but it is still classic Ledeen:

After receiving the Commandments and crushing the heretics of the golden calf, he continued on to the borders of the Promised Land. There, at G-d's instructions, Moses organized an espionage mission headed by Joshua and Caleb, in preparation for the invasion and occupation of the country. After 40 days the spies returned. The good news was that the land was beautiful and bountiful; the bad news was that the inhabitants were big and strong, impressively armed and well fortified. All the spies, save Joshua and Caleb, argued it was suicidal to attack, and the vast majority of the people agreed. Fearing they were about to be destroyed in battle, they turned against Moses. "And they said one to another: 'Let us appoint a captain, and let us return into Egypt.'" Recently freed from Egyptian slavery, the Israelites nonetheless demanded a return to bondage rather than fight for freedom.
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The revolt against Moses in the name of slavery is one of the most powerful of the "infinite examples" to which Machiavelli refers in order to show the difficulties in leading to freedom a people that has become accustomed to living in slavery, a fundamental Jewish theme that is as important to us today as it was in the Italian Renaissance. As Machiavelli puts it, "It is as difficult to make a people free that is resolved to live in servitude, as it is to subject a people to servitude that is determined to be free."

How, then, do we achieve the mentality of free men and women, and not of slaves?
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Listen to his political philosophy, and you will hear the Jewish music.
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These are not ideas that abound in the Christian liturgy. The notion that G-d wants us, above all, to devote our lives to the creation of the good society is, however, a very Jewish idea. Medieval and early modern Christianity relegated the accomplishment of justice to the hereafter. In this life, the important thing was fulfilling the sacraments. Insofar as politics was a religious concern, it was dominated by the notion that man should "render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's," and give G-d his due in other activities.

Machiavelli will have none of this, insisting that achieving glory for one's country is the single act most pleasing to G-d.

So: Was Machiavelli Jewish? Well, maybe not entirely, but certainly quite Jewish, maybe even very Jewish. If his great contemporary, Christopher Columbus, was most likely a secret Jew, if many crew members of the Niña, the Pinta and the Santa Maria were baptized on the gangplank, if, a century later, a majority of the founders of the Jesuit order were recent, probably opportunistic converts from Judaism, the notion that Machiavelli might have embraced much of Judaism is not so far-fetched.

Infowars.com had a feature about the occult activities of Thomas Jefferson. Check AmericanMafia.com for stories on the mafia.

This was a very silly post, loaded with bad and apocryphal material. Hopefully I haven't alienated any readers - I just wanted to throw in some weird shit to mark the weird popular-conspiracy riff that culture is into right now. Time for my tinfoil hat.